Slow Down and See From A Child's Eyes

Leah McDermott posted this on Facebook and Vicki Parnell shared it to the Self-Reg Parenting Facebook page:

Image from Dissolve.com

I wanted to tell him to hurry up... but I paused and asked instead. His response: “I want to see if the vultures think I’m a dead animal.” I hadn’t even noticed the vultures flying overhead... I was so focused on finishing the task and moving on to the next thing that I was missing everything. 

How many times in a day do you tell your child to “hurry up?”

Rushing out the door. Get your shoes on. Eat your dinner faster. Walk quicker. Chin up, eyes forward, let’s go! We’ve got to HURRY…..

To where? To what?

Do you stop and ask yourself what you’re rushing for? What is so important that you are pushing your child so quickly through their childhood?

And do you ever wonder why?

Why they are moving so slowly. Why they are staring off into space.

I stopped hurrying. And I asked. And these are just a few of the answers I got:

“I’m counting my peas.” (not eating dinner)

“I’m trying to decide which shoes are the best shoes.” (taking forever to get shoes on)

“I’m singing to the birds.” (lagging behind on a walk)

“I’m watching this worm to see how fast it can dig.” (not coming in for a bath)

Leah notes:

In fact, we can learn a lot from watching our children. From asking ourselves why we are rushing constantly. Why we are so concerned about the next moment instead of focusing on enjoying the present one.

This really resonated with me.  I remember when our girls were younger and we were hiking at Bay of Fundy National Park. Hubby, eldest daughter and I were marching along at a brisk pace, while the youngest dawdled along behind. But she kept pointing out things we were missing - a snake hiding in the leaves, a stick shaped just like 'her letter' M - and I realized that instead of hurrying her along, we needed to slow down and really be present. We were treating our hike as another task to complete.

As we head back to school in the next few weeks, it is easy to fall back into the 'hurry up, hurry up, you're going to be late/miss the bus' frenetic pace. And it can be easy to see a child's behaviour as reluctance, defiance, or just annoying.  Instead, in self-regulation we ask 'why this behaviour and why now?' As Leah's post points out, it may not be lack of compliance or stalling tactics. It may just be a child's curiosity and wonder at the world. Let's allow ourselves to slow down and join them.