Rethinking Privilege Through A Self-Reg Lens

Growing up, I was taught the moral lessons that have been part of society since the Victorian era:

If you work hard, then you will succeed.

If you set your mind to it, you can do anything.

If you don't succeed, then you have no one but yourself to blame.

It was very much an individualistic, self-control paradigm and I realize now, horribly wrong.  Because some people, through good luck, or karma or whatever, have a huge head start in life. And some people, quite frankly,  seem to succeed without really having to work very much at all. This video illustrates the point beautifully:

The facilitator tells a large group of teens and young adults assembled at a starting line that they will be having a footrace and whoever reaches the finish line first will win $100.  But before they begin he makes a few statements:

If you have never had to work to help your family pay the bills, take two steps forward...

If you have never had to worry about having your cell phone shut off because the bill isn't paid, take two steps forward

If you had access to a tutor, take two steps forward....

and so on.  By the time the race is ready to begin, some participants are almost at the finish line and others have not moved at all. 

Then he makes what I think is the most powerful statement and the one that really connects with the whole self-control idea that 'you are the master of your own destiny.  If you are a failure, no one but yourself to blame.'

He says, "Every statement I have made has nothing to do with anything you have done or any decision you have made."

Some people in the race have a huge head start, not because of their amazing willpower and self-control, but just because of the hand that life or fate has dealt them.  And others, through no fault of their own, are still standing back at the starting line, with no hope of winning.  

While this is billed as an exercise in privilege, it is also an exercise to rethink and reframe our ideas and our beliefs about the importance of self-control and self-regulation.  From a self-regulation lens, think of the countless stressors in multiple domains that are present and have been present in those teenagers lives. How can we as caring supportive adults help them to reduce those stressors that are not a result of their actions or decisions but yet are having a profound impact on their lives and their futures?

One Word Challenge 2018

The One Word Challenge is based on a book by motivational expert Jon Gordon called One Word That Will Change Your Life.    The premise of the book is that most people give up on their New Year's Resolutions by the end of January.  By focusing on just one word and remembering WHY you chose that word, you are more likely to stick to your resolution.  Here's a brief video of Jon Gordon explaining the idea behind One Word That Will Change Everything.

Last year, my one word was originally ‘yes’ but then I realized that there was power in saying ‘no’ as well.  After some consideration, I changed my One Word for 2017 to ‘stretch.’  As a recent retiree I wanted to stretch myself out of my comfort zone, try new things and take on new challenges. It was a great year and I can honestly say that I feel like I did stretch myself both personally and professionally. 

Personally, my hubby and I sold our home in Walkerville, Ontario and moved to our dream home out in the country on Lake Erie.  Leaving the walkable neighbourhood I’d lived in for the past 12 years definitely pushed me way out of my comfort zone but it was so worth it.  Now I wake up each morning and check on the lake – is it rough or calm, and watch the birds at the feeder and in the neighbourhood – blue jays, cardinals, chickadees, juncos, cranes, herons, ducks and geese while I drink my morning tea.

Professionally, I submitted a book proposal to Corwin Press which was accepted.  That meant I actually had to write the book and then revise it based on feedback from 12 different peer reviewers. I submitted the final draft of the manuscript just before Christmas.  What a rush!

For the past year and a half, in addition to working on my doctorate I have been taking courses on self-regulation from the MEHRIT Centre. That learning has influenced my choice for One Word 2018.  This year, with each choice I make both personally and professionally, I intend to reflect on whether this choice will contribute to my physical and mental well-being.

As a retiree, there is no reason not to get to the gym or outside for some exercise on a regular basis. When I choose to stay home and lounge on the couch, I need to make sure that I am making a mindful choice. Is this relaxation what I need right now for my well-being or would my well-being be better served by getting up and getting some exercise?