Self-Regulation vs Self-Control

Through the self-reg courses that I've taken so far I've been working on deepening my understanding of "what is the difference between self-regulation and self-control?"  Here are some of the resources from the MEHRIT Centre and Stuart Shanker's work that have been supporting my thinking on this question:

This infographic on Self-Regulation and Self-Control from the MEHRIT centre has helped me to continue to refine my understanding.

from self-reg.ca

Psychology Today article - Self-regulation vs. Self-Control 

NPR - Why It's Self-Reg, Not Self-Control, That Matters Most for Kids


Stuart Shanker's book: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage with Life

I've also learned from reading other people's blogs about the same topic such  as this blog by Aviva Dunsiger on The Connection Between Self-Regulation and Self-Control.   

and The Visible Parent Blog - Busting the Myth of Self-Control

My understanding is still developing; I'm a learner not an expert.  I'm sure if you ask me this same question six weeks or six months from now my answer will have changed based on my ongoing learning.  My current explanation, when people ask what's the difference is:

Self-Regulation is non-judgementally looking at your impulses and cravings and asking why and why now?  It takes into consideration the social dimension, external factors and hidden stressors.  With self-regulation we learn to be stress detectives.

Self-control is judgmental. It focuses on why you as an individual can't control your impulses and your external behaviours.  In self-control we ask what's wrong with me? Why can't I control myself?   Self-control focuses on internal factors and on learning to control your weaknesses. 

Self-control is about inhibiting impulses and cravings while self-regulation is about reducing impulses and cravings by developing awareness of our stress levels and learning how to return to a calm state when we are hypo- or hyperaroused.

Many times in our readings we are reminded that self-regulation makes self-control possible.  

How do you explain the difference between self-reg and self-control?

What resources have you found helpful in learning more about self-reg and self-control?

The Power of Saying 'No'

When I was thinking about my One Word for 2017 I decided on 'yes' as a reminder to myself to say yes to opportunities and I wrote about in several posts - Saying Yes,  One Word Challenge, and Stay Afraid.  But after having a few weeks to reflect on it, I decided that Yes doesn't accurately reflect my newfound philosophy of challenging myself to stretch out of my comfort zone and try new things that, in the past, I would have avoided due to my own fear.

After reading an article in Psychology Today by Azadeh Aalai I realized that always saying yes isn't really what I want to do.  There is power in saying no to requests and opportunities that aren't a good fit for me or that come at an inopportune time. She writes that "when you're stuck, stressed or resentful a firm  'no' can open up your life." 

In my post yesterday, Retirement Buffet I noted that there are so many things that I can say yes to now that I'm retired - creative endeavours, going to the gym, taking courses, writing, and presenting at conferences.  I also want to spend more time with my girls, my dad, my extended family and of course, travelling with my husband.  But in order to say yes to all of those things, I have to say no to some things or I'll be stretching myself too thin and not enjoying any of them.

So instead of yes I've decided that my One Word for 2017 will be stretch. I'm stretching myself outside of my comfort zone academically by submitting writing proposals to journals and publishers and submitting presentation proposals to conference committees.  I am stretching myself physically with a renewed gym membership and I've already signed up for a 10K in the spring and the Detroit International Half Marathon in October 2017.  And I'm making time to stretch myself creatively with new things like knitting and sewing.  I may even start painting again!

How is your One Word for 2017 working for you so far? If you'd like more information about OneWord2017, you can search Twitter or follow the links in this post.