The Power of Saying 'No'

When I was thinking about my One Word for 2017 I decided on 'yes' as a reminder to myself to say yes to opportunities and I wrote about in several posts - Saying Yes,  One Word Challenge, and Stay Afraid.  But after having a few weeks to reflect on it, I decided that Yes doesn't accurately reflect my newfound philosophy of challenging myself to stretch out of my comfort zone and try new things that, in the past, I would have avoided due to my own fear.

After reading an article in Psychology Today by Azadeh Aalai I realized that always saying yes isn't really what I want to do.  There is power in saying no to requests and opportunities that aren't a good fit for me or that come at an inopportune time. She writes that "when you're stuck, stressed or resentful a firm  'no' can open up your life." 

In my post yesterday, Retirement Buffet I noted that there are so many things that I can say yes to now that I'm retired - creative endeavours, going to the gym, taking courses, writing, and presenting at conferences.  I also want to spend more time with my girls, my dad, my extended family and of course, travelling with my husband.  But in order to say yes to all of those things, I have to say no to some things or I'll be stretching myself too thin and not enjoying any of them.

So instead of yes I've decided that my One Word for 2017 will be stretch. I'm stretching myself outside of my comfort zone academically by submitting writing proposals to journals and publishers and submitting presentation proposals to conference committees.  I am stretching myself physically with a renewed gym membership and I've already signed up for a 10K in the spring and the Detroit International Half Marathon in October 2017.  And I'm making time to stretch myself creatively with new things like knitting and sewing.  I may even start painting again!

How is your One Word for 2017 working for you so far? If you'd like more information about OneWord2017, you can search Twitter or follow the links in this post. 

The Retirement Buffet

When speaking with new teachers, I advise them that all the extracurricular activities they can do at school and all the professional learning opportunities available can be like a huge restaurant buffet.  It all looks so good and you want to try it all but if you do, you just end up feeling kind of sick and queasy.  Better to go slow, try a few things that really appeal to you and then take on more if you feel that you have the time and energy and the appetite.

I'm finding retirement is kind of like that too.  All the things that I want to do that I used to have to squeeze into my life around my hectic work schedule I can now do at a much more leisurely pace.  I can visit my girls, travel with my husband, go to the gym whenever I want, and read books without falling asleep.

Since retiring six months ago, I've relearned how to knit, I sewed again for the first time since high school.  I've tried lots of new healthy cooking recipes and gone for long walks. This summer I started golfing again and I even tried paddle boarding. I made Christmas planters for the side entrance and made homemade bath bombs for stocking stuffers.  My husband and I spent two weeks in Eastern Europe and I've gone to visit my girls in postsecondary school.

Professionally, I am working on my doctorate and I'm taking the Foundations Course in Self-Regulation from the MEHRIT centre.  I've written an article that will be published this spring and submitted a book proposal. I also submitted three proposals to present at upcoming conferences.  I'm much more active professionally on Twitter and I started this blog.

The other day I realized that I'm like those new teachers who want to coach every team and be on every committee.  I'm in danger of overfilling my plate at the retirement buffet.  I need to stop for a moment, take a deep breath, and make sure that I have the time, energy and appetite to tackle all of these professional commitments and still have time for all the fun things I want to do in retirement.  Otherwise I'll end up creating stress instead of enjoying this amazing opportunity.

For those of you who have retired, taken a leave of absence or four-over-five, did you find yourself tempted to overdo it at first?  What advice did others give you?

Image from refe.com

Self-Reg - Why Can't I Focus?

Usually after my husband leaves for work I walk across the hall from the bedroom to my home office and work away on my blog or on one of the two courses that I'm taking - the self-regulation course from the MEHRIT Centre and my doctorate from Western University.  But Monday I just couldn't seem to focus on anything.  Instead of working in my home office, I dragged my laptop to my bed so I could stay under the covers a bit longer.  I finished a blog post I'd been working on previously and posted it.

Then I went to my office and got all my folder and my papers for the course I'm currently taking at Western and brought them into bed with me.  I looked at two different articles but couldn't bring myself to read them.  I reviewed the criteria for an assignment that will be due in mid January, but I didn't start that either.  I wandered around the internet - Facebook, Twitter, back to my blog, some other blogs, and around and around I went.  I was spending lots of time getting nothing done.  Before I knew it, it was 11:30 am and I felt like I'd done nothing.  Which would be okay if I had decided I wanted a decadent, stay in bed and relax and read kind of morning but I hadn't.  I wanted to work on my course, but I just couldn't.

I finally forced myself to get up, get showered and dressed and get out of the house.  I thought maybe a change in scenery would help me to get jump-started out of this low energy state.  At first I wondered: what's wrong with me? Why can't I focus on anything today? As I was driving down the street I remembered something we talk about all the time in self-regulation: why this behaviour and why now?  And as I saw students entering and exiting the local high school, a light bulb started to go on in my head.

My girls had been home for Christmas and both had now gone back to school out of town - one to college and one to university.  My husband had been home for two weeks for Christmas Break and he had just returned to work that day.  As a recent retiree (since June 30, 2016)  I'm still getting used to my new routines and new lifestyle.  When everyone else went back to school in September, I made sure I had plans on the day after Labour Day. I went to a breakfast for retirees in the morning and went out boating with my eldest daughter and her friends in the afternoon.  I knew that first day back to school in September when I wasn't going back would be 'weird.'  I hadn't anticipated that the first day back to school/work after the Christmas Break would also be 'weird' but I think that's what it was.  Everyone else was returning to their former routines, and I was struggling to get back into my retirement routine.

I've made plans for the rest of the week and put them all on my calendar including regular visits to the gym, a visit to my dad's, a Twitter Chat, volunteering in a classroom and having lunch with a friend.  I think by the end of the week or possibly next, I'll be feeling like I'm back in some semblance of a routine again which should help me focus.

From self-reg.ca

As I wandered around the internet this morning, I found this blog by Aviva Dunsiger, who experienced a similar lack of focus one day over the Christmas holidays and who also examined her experience through the lens of self-reg.  I'm not alone!

The SELF in self-regulation

For the assignments in my self-regulation course, I've been thinking a lot about the self in self-regulation and how it has to be very individual.  What is calming for one person can be aggravating for another.  Lots of people find it very relaxing to take a bath but I just get restless. Sitting and soaking in a tub would be stressful for me!

There are many definitions of self-regulation but I am working from the definition that self-regulation is a function of becoming aware of your arousal states and what things you can do to get yourself back to calmly aware and alert.  Some teachers and entire schools are adopting mindfulness programs and using visualization exercises to teach children to become calm, alert and ready to learn.  But for some of our students those types of exercises may add to stress rather than reduce it.  We want to work towards the child becoming aware of their arousal state, identifying their particular stressors and the child determining what strategies help them to self-regulate, not educator implementation of a one-size-fits all program that we do as a class when the noise level is getting too high.

Some people in my course and in my own circle of friends shared the following strategies they use to self-regulate - to either up-regulate or down-regulate and return to a state of calmness.

• a warm bath
• meditation
• deep breaths
• going for a walk
• going for a run
• spending time with a pet
• knitting
• painting
• journaling
• sewing
• spending time in nature
• spending time alone

What works for you? What strategies are appropriate for the classroom setting?

From self-reg.ca

The Welcome Mat

In our self-regulation course at the MEHRIT Centre, Dr. Shanker suggested that we approach and then enter a school with an eye for hidden stressors. As a former instructional coach and consultant, part of my job was going out and supporting educators, administrators, students, parents and trustees in our schools so this idea is something that I can really connect with, although at the time I wasn't looking at it through the lens of self-regulation.  When I presented to newly hired teachers, I suggested that they reflect on their experience as supply teachers.  Which schools made them feel welcome? Why did they feel welcome in those schools. What were the factors that created the sense of belonging?  

From my own perspective, it had a lot to do with those first impressions.  Do the bulletin boards just inside the school have warm messages that promote community or are they filled with stern warnings?  Do school buildings and grounds appear cared for or neglected?  Does the person greeting me in the office welcome me with a warm smile and pleasant tone or I am barked at or simply ignored?  I can remember being at one school and waiting and waiting at the counter in the office while several people scurried about yet no one acknowledged me.  I wondered 'how would a parent feel if they were coming here to register their child? How would a student feel if they were coming to the office for assistance?  At another school, I entered the very large office and introduced myself. Without looking up, the secretary told me to sign in at the podium. I wandered over to what I thought was the sign in book and she hollered at me, "THE PODIUM!  THE PODIUM!!"  I wonder how stressful it was for staff, students and parents at that school.  I know my heart was pounding! *

Upon reflection, I can see where those schools with the warning signs in the hall, the hollering staff or the schools were I stood in the office being ignored and wondering what I should do raised my stress level, not only about my welcome but about how the rest of my day at that school was going to go.  The schools were the staff were warm and welcoming made me feel like I was in a safe place and lowered my stress level.  At one school, whenever visitors are at the school for a parent meeting, to volunteer or some other reason, the principal greets them and offers them a bottle of water or a coffee or tea.  It's a gesture that always makes me feel like I'm in a building with kind and caring people.  At many schools, the office staff greet visitors warmly, and offer to walk them to their destination (especially in the larger buildings) or have a student come down to accompany the visitor to where they are going.   When I arrive at a school, I have the physical stress of lugging a cart full of resources and materials as well as the mental stress of the agenda for the visit - hoping I can successfully meet everyone's needs in the time allotted.  Having someone walk me to where I'm going so I don't have the added stress of getting lost is wonderful.

Little things can make such a big difference in the stress level of everyone in the building.  My suggestion is to enter your building, your classroom, your staffroom, your office using the eyes of a stranger or ask a critical friend to do it for you. What do they see? What do they hear? How do they feel? What would you see/feel/hear if you were a parent? a potential student? a student teacher? a superintendent?
What are you already doing to reduce stressors for staff, students and visitors to your school? your classroom?
What changes could be made to reduce hidden stressors?

Hidden stressors in the workplace

*I debated whether or not to include the examples that increased my stress and considered using hypothetical situations.  But the situations I described had a powerful impact on me.  I can still remember how I felt, so I decided to include them, not to blame, shame or judge those involved but illustrate how a simple action can have a powerful impact on others.  Both of those situations made me much more aware of my own actions in the future.  If I have offended anyone, that was not my intent.

From linked.com

Stay Afraid

This quote from Carrie Fisher resonated with me and my choice for the #OneWord2017 challenge.  I have resolved to say yes more often to opportunities instead of getting bogged down in all the what ifs.....


But I had struggled with choosing "yes" as my word.  Everyone else's choices seemed to be better somehow.  But "fearless" and "brave" just didn't ring true.  I like what Carrie is saying here.  This is more me - it's not that I'm fearless or even particularly brave.  I am still afraid but I resolve to do it anyway.  And perhaps as I say yes more often and do things anyway, in spite of being afraid, the confidence will build.

Image from Fusion.com

I've been thinking about how the One Word Challenge would be a great activity with students next week when they return to school.  I haven't find any resources online for doing this with students, but I did find this online template from Amazingmess.com that could be modified for use with students. I would simply delete the section that says scripture since I teach for a public school board.  You could easily do this activity without the template which is what I usually prefer to do.  Just have students fold a paper into thirds and label the sections: Brainstorm Words, Define 3 Words and My One Word.  You could have students create an image for their one word using visual arts materials or computer graphics which they could  keep at their desk or on a notebook as a reminder.  For our youngest students in kindergarten, it might be fun to do this with a small group or even as a whole class to create a vision for our class community.  So many possibilities and no wrong answers!

I'm downloading this image to use as my computer wallpaper this month:

Image from Dreamtime.com

One Word Challenge

On Twitter I noticed a lot of people posting their one word for 2017 and wanted to learn more about this idea.  It is based on a book by motivational expert Jon Gordon called One Word That Will Change Your Life.    The premise of the book is that most people give up on their New Year's Resolutions by the end of January.  By focusing on just one word and remembering WHY you chose that word, you are more likely to stick to your resolution.  Here's a brief video of Jon Gordon explaining the idea behind One Word That Will Change Everything.

After some reflection, my one word for 2017 will be 'YES.'  I wrote about this on my blog a few days ago and this is one more way to commit to this approach to life.  Some people had chosen fearless but this didn't seem like a good fit for me.  There's still fear, but I want to move on in spite of the fear.



Below are some other ideas for #oneword2017 shared on Twitter.  What will your word be?

@maryhadley8

@saccoeric

@vroom6

@kasnelson