Two Women

@NoelineL tweeted:

The March edition of Canadian Living, p. 13, issues a challenge, to guys too: to share a story about two women, one personal and one historical, who have motivated you.  Would you consider sharing?

Doug Peterson posted his response on his blog: Chris Stephenson, a salesperson who had challenged his thinking and Joan of Arc.

So I went to Canadian Living to read the whole challenge:

Did you know that, according to MerriamWebster, "feminism" was among 2017's most looked-up words? In honour of International Women's Day (March 8), here are some ways that men, women and children can celebrate MerriamWebster's word of the year. Get inspired. Notable Canadians in cities from coast to coast will have talks and conferences. Explore history. Host your nearest and dearest (men, too!), asking each to have in mind a story about two women (one personal, one historical) who've motivated them. Be empowered. Do what we do best: rise to the occasion and take on a completely new task that even you thought you'd never do!

There are so many women who have motivated me personally - my mother and grandmothers, many teachers in high school, and principals and superintendents that I worked for throughout my career. But, the two who motivate me the most are my daughters, Shelby and Madison.  I often joke that I am 'the world's okayest mom.'  I'm never going to win 'mother of the year.' I make lots of mistakes.  But, because of my girls, I am motivated to do the best I can do, and to seek forgiveness when I screw up. Shelby had an interview recently, and the interviewer noted how hard working she was and commended her for her initiative.  Shelby said she told the interviewer, "My mom is retired and she's almost done her doctorate plus she's writing a book.  That's just the kind of people we are." Madison called me a few weeks ago and said, "I want to go to Tokyo in April. Want to come with me?"  I'm so glad my girls aren't afraid to chase their dreams and invite me along for the ride!

Historically, I would choose Indira Ghandi, who was prime minister of India from 1966-1977 and again from 1980 until her assassination in 1984.  When I went to school, history was mostly about old, white guys. I don't remember learning about any notable women. But when I was a kid growing up, Indira Ghandi was prime minister of India.  At that time, the idea of a woman prime minister in Canada was unheard of, and let's face it, Americans were making a HUGE deal about the possibility of a woman president in the last election. The glass ceiling is still unbroken for Hillary. I was too young to understand Indira Ghandi's policies and politics, but the idea that a woman could be prime minister of a country was very inspiring to me.

(Source: Art by Tanya Leigh)

Resources for World Down Syndrome Day

On March 21st people across the world will be wearing their mismatched colourful socks to celebrate Rock Your Socks for World Down Syndrome Day.  Rock Your Socks is held on the 21st day of the 3rd month because the triplication (trisomy) of the 21st chromosome leads to Down Syndrome.  

So wear your brightest, craziest, mismatched socks and post your pictures on social media!!!! When someone asks "Why are you wearing those socks?" you'll have the perfect opening to tell them that March 21st is World Down Syndrome Day and that you are celebrating all the great things that people with Down Syndrome can do, as well as helping to advocate for inclusion and respect.

#worlddownsyndromeday #wdsd2018 #rockyoursocks

Children's Picture Books about Down Syndrome

World Down Syndrome Day

Down Syndrome International

Group Hug Apparel

Global Down Syndrome Foundation

International Down Syndrome Coalition

Special Olympics

Happy Soul Project - Facebook

Chasing Hazel blog

St. Clair College Play Group

Born this Way on A&E Network

Why Do People Come To Work When They Are Sick?

"Every person needs to take one day away. A day in which one consciously separates the past from the future. Jobs, family, employers, and friends can exist one day without any one of us, and if our egos permit us to confess, they could exist eternally in our absence. Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for. Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us."
~ Maya Angelou, Wouldn't Take Nothing for My Journey Now

I can only speak from my own experience. Perhaps this is prevalent in other professions too.  Why do teachers push themselves to go to work when they are sick, tired, and in need of rest and recuperation?  Some would say it's because it's more work to prepare for a supply teacher than it is to come in when you are sick.  Yet when I worked in the central office, and there was no supply teacher to prepare for, people still came to work when they should have stayed home.  In this age of technology, when you can still deal with much of the work at home via email, why not stay home when you are sick?

Part of my desire for people to stay home when they are ill is selfish.  You are sick.  You are sharing your germs with everyone else here at work.  We are trying to stay healthy. Teachers complain when parents send a sick child to school but then they themselves come to school when they are ill. 

Is Maya Angelou right? Is it ego?  Do we think that things will just not get done right if we aren't there to do them. The school/classroom/students can't manage without me, even for just one day?

Is it the 'cult of busyness' where we equate our value with how busy we are?  

Is it the 'teacher as martyr' stance?

I asked a co-worker, "if your child was this sick, would you send him to school?" 

"No, but....."

I interrupted her.  "Why not? Why would you make him stay home?"

She thought.  "He's not going to be able to learn so what's the point of being in school. It's not fair to the other kids."  After a moment, she added, "And it's not fair to the teacher."

I wish I could say that she then reframed her own behaviour using this same lens of compassion for herself and her co-workers.  That she realized that she wouldn't be able to work to her full potential, and that coming to work sick is not fair to herself or her co-workers. That she went home for the afternoon.  But I'd be lying.  She went back into her desk, coughing and hacking and probably full of aches and pains and fever, and went back to work.

Try to remember the survival advice they give you on an airplane - first you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself, then you can help others.  

Reframing Resistance

There are times when we are excited to share a new idea – something we have read or heard about at a workshop – and our colleagues are not interested.  As a consultant, part of my job was to present research-based best practices from the ministry to educators and administrators.  While I might be really enthusiastic about these new resources and new ideas, reaction from educators and administrators could vary from excited to lukewarm to  downright hostile. 

A colleague once gave me this perspective on participants who push back and challenge us: she said these are the people who are on the cusp of change.  They are experiencing some cognitive dissonance and discomfort.  They realize that they should change their practice.  When they push back and challenge us, they are saying, "Convince me.  I know I need to change but change is going to be difficult and uncomfortable, and it would be so much easier to just keep doing what I'm doing.  Convince me." Now I love it when people challenge me, and question me, because I know they are really grappling with the ideas and trying to develop and deepen their own understanding.  They are actively constructing knowledge, not merely acting as a passive recipient.  As an educator, I view myself as a constructivist, so these challenging questions to me are indicators of growth and learning. 

In self-reg we talk about reframing behaviour – is this misbehaviour or stress behaviour?  As a presenter, I can use this same strategy to reframe the behaviour of participants at a session.  Is it really hostility or is it is stress?  Stephen Porgues talks about the need to feel safe in order to learn - how do we create an environment that fosters a sense of safety?  

Now when I encounter someone who appears resistant, I want to try even more to approach them with a self-reg lens.  Who knows what stressors they may have been dealing with before they arrived at the session - an elderly parent at home, an angry parent at school, a traffic jam, an upsetting conversation awaiting them at home that evening. I need to think about where they are on the Thayer Matrix and where I am, and question whether we are ready to engage in the work of learning and facilitating. If not, what do I need to do to create movement on the matrix? How can we help to reduce stressors - providing food and drinks, allowing opportunities for movement and discussion, ensuring the room is a comfortable temperature, etc. Allowing people to ask questions, to challenge us, and to respond with respect and kindness.  If participants need to leave to check in with their school via cell phone to ensure all is well, then providing opportunities to do so.

What other strategies can create a safe learning environment for teachers and for students?

Rethinking Privilege Through A Self-Reg Lens

Growing up, I was taught the moral lessons that have been part of society since the Victorian era:

If you work hard, then you will succeed.

If you set your mind to it, you can do anything.

If you don't succeed, then you have no one but yourself to blame.

It was very much an individualistic, self-control paradigm and I realize now, horribly wrong.  Because some people, through good luck, or karma or whatever, have a huge head start in life. And some people, quite frankly,  seem to succeed without really having to work very much at all. This video illustrates the point beautifully:

The facilitator tells a large group of teens and young adults assembled at a starting line that they will be having a footrace and whoever reaches the finish line first will win $100.  But before they begin he makes a few statements:

If you have never had to work to help your family pay the bills, take two steps forward...

If you have never had to worry about having your cell phone shut off because the bill isn't paid, take two steps forward

If you had access to a tutor, take two steps forward....

and so on.  By the time the race is ready to begin, some participants are almost at the finish line and others have not moved at all. 

Then he makes what I think is the most powerful statement and the one that really connects with the whole self-control idea that 'you are the master of your own destiny.  If you are a failure, no one but yourself to blame.'

He says, "Every statement I have made has nothing to do with anything you have done or any decision you have made."

Some people in the race have a huge head start, not because of their amazing willpower and self-control, but just because of the hand that life or fate has dealt them.  And others, through no fault of their own, are still standing back at the starting line, with no hope of winning.  

While this is billed as an exercise in privilege, it is also an exercise to rethink and reframe our ideas and our beliefs about the importance of self-control and self-regulation.  From a self-regulation lens, think of the countless stressors in multiple domains that are present and have been present in those teenagers lives. How can we as caring supportive adults help them to reduce those stressors that are not a result of their actions or decisions but yet are having a profound impact on their lives and their futures?

One Word Challenge 2018

The One Word Challenge is based on a book by motivational expert Jon Gordon called One Word That Will Change Your Life.    The premise of the book is that most people give up on their New Year's Resolutions by the end of January.  By focusing on just one word and remembering WHY you chose that word, you are more likely to stick to your resolution.  Here's a brief video of Jon Gordon explaining the idea behind One Word That Will Change Everything.

Last year, my one word was originally ‘yes’ but then I realized that there was power in saying ‘no’ as well.  After some consideration, I changed my One Word for 2017 to ‘stretch.’  As a recent retiree I wanted to stretch myself out of my comfort zone, try new things and take on new challenges. It was a great year and I can honestly say that I feel like I did stretch myself both personally and professionally. 

Personally, my hubby and I sold our home in Walkerville, Ontario and moved to our dream home out in the country on Lake Erie.  Leaving the walkable neighbourhood I’d lived in for the past 12 years definitely pushed me way out of my comfort zone but it was so worth it.  Now I wake up each morning and check on the lake – is it rough or calm, and watch the birds at the feeder and in the neighbourhood – blue jays, cardinals, chickadees, juncos, cranes, herons, ducks and geese while I drink my morning tea.

Professionally, I submitted a book proposal to Corwin Press which was accepted.  That meant I actually had to write the book and then revise it based on feedback from 12 different peer reviewers. I submitted the final draft of the manuscript just before Christmas.  What a rush!

For the past year and a half, in addition to working on my doctorate I have been taking courses on self-regulation from the MEHRIT Centre. That learning has influenced my choice for One Word 2018.  This year, with each choice I make both personally and professionally, I intend to reflect on whether this choice will contribute to my physical and mental well-being.

As a retiree, there is no reason not to get to the gym or outside for some exercise on a regular basis. When I choose to stay home and lounge on the couch, I need to make sure that I am making a mindful choice. Is this relaxation what I need right now for my well-being or would my well-being be better served by getting up and getting some exercise?